The sacred ground of a threshold
- May 7
- 3 min read
In Dance of the Dissident Daughter, Sue Monk Kidd tells the story of seeing her daughter at work and watching as adult men comment on her as a sexual object. She writes:
“My daughter did not see them coming. Kneeling on the floor, she was intent on getting the boxes of Crest lined up evenly. The men stopped, peered down at her. One man nudged the other. He said, “Now that’s how I like to see a woman— on her knees.”
The other man laughed.”
This experience unlocked deep rage and initiated Kidd’s journey to not only feminine consciousness, but a new way of being in the world. She continues:
“But it occurred to me that if I abandoned my daughter at that moment, if I simply walked away and was silent, the feminine spirit unfolding inside her might also become crouched and silent. Perhaps she would learn the internal posture of being on her knees.
The men with their blithe joke had no idea they had tapped a reservoir of pain and defiance in me. It was rising now, unstoppable by any earthly force.”
This sacred threshold—when something unlocks within us and we are no longer the same—is one of the most tender and important passages in a woman's life. They are often filled with rage, betrayal, shock and confusion.
Living in unfamiliar territory
A threshold can be a moment of clarity such as the one Kidd experienced, or it can be related to grief, motherhood, midlife and aging parents, creative callings or career shifts. We know we have found ourselves at a threshold when we have crossed a point from which we can't "go back." Life as we know it has changed and we are in unfamiliar territory.
What can be most challenging about crossing a sacred threshold is that we aren't always even sure we've crossed one. Women are taught to simply keep going, so we’re likely to problem-solve our way through until we realize that, underneath, something is off. It can feel like someone has shaken up your life and spilled it all over the floor. Quite dramatic and very disorienting. Your old ways of being and organizing your life no longer work and you feel unmoored, confused and full of rage, sadness and doubt.
Even with all the energy of our emotions, crossing a sacred threshold asks us to slow down and pay attention. We have to learn to hold and channel our emotions, focusing them in ways that enable us to gather and grow our internal power. Thresholds ask that we give language to our experience, seek support and give ourselves permission to grieve what has been lost as we move toward who we are becoming. When we lack the language, the support and the space to grieve, we stay stuck for years until something calls us out of this place.
It could be a mom seeing her childhood patterns replaying in her relationship with her own daughter. It could be the shock and betrayal of a relationship ending, or the sudden need to care for aging parents. For many women, it’s the death of their mother or father that initiates a sacred threshold. And even when a threshold is something we’re actively pursuing, such as a creative calling or career change, we may feel overwhelmed and adrift in the process.